Cultural Warfare

Bucked off the Red Bull, Stalked by the Black Dog.

‘Some say that boredom is rage spread thin, I think that depression is outrage spread thinner.’ – Stefan Molyneux

I’ve just come down from another distracted hyper state, fuelled I think by my addiction conformity. Just like for any addict, this depression is designed to set me at war with myself, others and reality, to keep me doubtful of what I’m fighting for, blinded to the power of truth, and despairingly rageful about the state of my life and of the world.

This resentment, this hopelessness, is I think an endemic condition of our culture, and the core of the depression I feel cropping up. When it dawns on me as surely as sunrise, that I don’t have an eternity to waste away worried and doubtful, in conformity and dissociation – I’m faced with an important choice.  Either I give in to this depression, and fall on my own sword; or I confront it, and take on this black dog that has been on my tail since I can remember.

Reason = Virtue = Happiness

‘Depression is a way for society to inoculate itself from the truth tellers.’ – Stefan Molyneux

One of the foundation blocks of philosophy is this basic formula: reason = virtue = happiness. What has just clicked for me is that supporters of culture generally understand this fact so much more deeply and instinctualy than I perhaps ever will conceptually as a philosopher. Since if I’m not happy, then what am I save a big advertisement against the rational philosophy which I claim to promote. . . A truth teller is surely supposed to be happy, they say, ergo we get this principle. Logically the message I’m putting out is that I’m either acting in a non-virtuous manner, or that I’m irrational. If either of these are true, it is I think because I’ve been keeping philosophy in an abstracted conceptual part of my life – without applying it in my life.

No Surrender

‘A grey life is a white flag’ – Stephan Molyneux

If conformity to culture serves to keep us small, in-fighting and swarming to the state, then that is an addiction worth outgrowing. I could hardly have  called it my choice to be so drawn to philosophy, but however I got here, This is a fork in the road for me. I know I’m capable of shouldering my way through the anxiety I feel about this. I’m following my instincts and pursuing the happiness which living my stated values has shown me already.

Media coverage of my break from the family

Watching this pantomime play itself out in the media circus, has for me been a humiliating, insulting, depressing, yet somehow strengthening experience. So much time and effort has been rallied by one politician’s outrage at her son’s choice to leave a voluntary relationship with her – but my question is; why is it that the parent’s side of the story, their say, so drowns out the sympathetic defence of the child? Why is my voice shouted down? How is it just, for so many to gang up with an adult’s childhood bullies?

Contrary to the generally held and biased view informed by the testimony of my mother and father, no one has ever advised me to leave my family. I’ve recieved sympathy from a few friends and members of FDR for the trauma and intimidation inflicted by my father’s violent mood swings, and I was reminded that since becoming a free adult, my relationship with my parents is entirely voluntary.

To criticise this bias, and to address the accusations of my being brainwashed, manipulated and tricked; I want to pose a question; how can these reporters pretend objectivity and tell me I deserve a voice, when it is they who are railing against and huranging the people who showed me sympathy for being a victim of child abuse, and supporting my freedom of association?

I grew up with a rageful and dangerous father, my mother married this guy and has since argued that by staying married to him, by ‘not rocking the boat’ (her words) and ordering me not to bring it up, she protected me.

What has so deeply saddened me about this is not the violence, it’s not the repression of my anger and discontent, it’s not even that my parents have not admitted to the evil they’ve committed. What calls for me to really dig deep, and to screw my courage to the sticking place for the sake of other abused children, is the realisation that I live in a world whose people do everything they can to hush up and sweep under the carpet the violence at the root of our society.

On a street where neighbours within earshot of the shouting choose to turn a blind eye, in a system where teachers pick up on a loss of aspiration amongst their students, and just as quickly explain away their conscience with accusations of their laziness.  Imagine what a weight off my shoulders it was to have 18 years of pain, before ignored, ridiculed and suppressed, now validated – at last! There are people in this world who care!

I want to show my real gratitude to everyone who saw me and helped to pick me up when I fell. They’ve saved me from a life lost to depression, isolation and evasion. Thanks to them I feel as though I’ve stepped out of the cold, this depression is now like a released spring leaping into a new and happy life.

To me, showing how grateful I am is in living my life to its fullest, in learning what it is to love and be loved, and by being there for people in search of the same sympathetic witness to their suffering as a child, that I have gained so much from.

To make good on this choice to join the philosophical movement of setting people free, I wan’t to find empathy for human ignorance of the stoneage philosophy this generation has inherited. The compassion I really feel for people here comes from being in that situation before my exposure to the ideas at Freedomain Radio. I want to learn how to communicate this message of love, and liberation with the positivity, gentleness and firmness the challenge requires.

Procrastination

Why is it that the more I have to do, the less I get done, but when there’s no outside pressure to do anything, I’ll be staying busy, and taking initiative to find my own work to do?

Frankly, the only thing we’ve got to do in life is die at the end of it. There are no promisses I need to keep, no committments I have to follow through on, no assignments which must get done.

If I had no choice but to do these things, what virtue could there be in doing them? What is ethics without free will?

-

In the past, whenever I’ve seen a task as completely essential, no matter what ambivalence or aversion I’d feel about doing it, the only option I saw was forcing myself to to it through sheer willpower.

After I realised that there truly are no ‘should’s or ‘have to’s,  willpower really looks more and more to me like enstating a kind of tyrrany on yourself in which you’re just ordering yourself about.

Doesn’t this just put an ironic twist to ‘being your own boss’?

In a situation where you’re feeling seriously conflicted – say one part of you is for and another against doing something – you can either sit down with these two perspectives and mediate the dispute – and work out what triggers the feeling and motivates those feelings – or blindly ignore both and plough on ahead regardless.

It’s this third option which is the real null zone I get stuck in – procrastination.

-

Since this problem has grown measurably to the extent to which, with age, I’ve attained more personal freedom, I know it’s not that I resent the things I put off.

I don’t think that this is a problem with any easy, quick-fix, effective in the long run. Not even Atlas could simply shrug off such a complex and weighty problem.

No, it’s digging deeper to the roots of where this dictatorial mind-set has come from where I think I can find peace of mind.

With an honest glance at our formative years, we’re raised to believe in a world of ‘should’s and ‘have to’s. That’s the lie which keeps us enslaved to the whims of those in power over us, and addicted to the drug of harsh willpower.

It’s time to realise that willing feelings away is not the answer, but only a distraction.

-

To wrap up, this feels like a huge topic, I’m sure I’m only just scratching the surface here. I’m finding it helpful getting these ideas into perspective though, so I think it’s worth doing the subject justice.

Being a problem which has grown in isolation, I’d really appreciate your ideas on this as always.